I can vividly remember when I used to dream out loud about being a stay-at home-mommy-without-kids. I could picture myself as one of those ladies that lunch, tennis, sun and country club. I never wanted kids. Really, I didn’t. My good friends that have known me forever laugh every time I mention something that has to do with the plurality of my offspring situation. My life is very much different from my vivid imagination. I do not lunch. I cannot afford it for one, both financially and chronologically. When I do get the opportunity to go out for a lunch, there better be a coupon involved and ALL children must be otherwise occupied. I would rather stay home than take either of the boys into a restaurant at this point. Going to a restaurant with one of my precious little men to catch up with a friend would be completely pointless. There would be no catching up. There would be catching food, catching flying utensils, catching bad manners before others around us noticed. No chatting about life.
I am a stay at home mommy. That is for sure. I stay at home in my pajamas and more days than I like to admit I don’t get out of them until I have to walk to the bus stop at 3:30 to get Number 1. But, I stay at home and work. Not: stay at home and then head to the club (country club, that is). I can’t even convince the Husband to get me a membership at the YMCA, for heavens sake! I have to stay busy doing something that interests me and gets me out of pretend play, so I work since I don’t have the excuse that I must be off to my tennis match. I LOVE my photography business. I get to do what I love, be creative, play and get paid for it. I like my other job too because it gives me interaction with other adults and keeps my resume legit. But, in my dreaming days, my preference would have been to be a lady of leisure, not work and kids.
God has a funny way of giving us exactly what we need. I wasn’t sure about Number 1, then I had her and she became a drug I could not live without, not to mention she was a great way fuel my shopping addiction! Number 2 came along and I am afraid there is going to be a quota on kisses and hugs. He is the snuggliest little guy on the planet and I cannot get enough. Number 3 surprised us all and I was concerned. But he has made my life chaotically complete!! At this point in my journey, I mostly feel like I am still in the refining fire of grace that God promises us in our lives on this planet. But these days my daydreams are about the days when my kids are grown and we celebrate traditions together, when Number 1 and I are best friends planning her wedding, when the boys are towering over me and still cowering to cuddle with their mama. Funny how life changes. Even for those of us that fight it every step of the way. If I had been on my own, I would be an empty shell of selfish bliss in a tennis skirt.