Monday, January 9, 2012

Stop trying to out-mommy

Why do we all feel like we need to "out mommy" each other??  Aren't all most of our kids so great in their own way no matter how we try to mess them up??  As a new blogger I was a bit terrified of all the hateful comments I was about to let myself be subject to.  I have a dear friend with an amazing blog about the art of yard selling and making money on ebay.  Her goal was to help people.  She wanted to show them that there was a way to add to their family's income and have fun doing it.  Her writing was amazing, she blew up quickly in popularity, and she really did help a lot of people.  But many times she would receive comments about how terrible it was to leave her 3 girls to yard sale every Saturday morning.  Let me just say, she is a precious stay-at-home-mommy and she IS one of those super moms that I so despise in my posts.  She leaves them home WITH THEIR FATHER for a few hours on Saturday morning.  What good did it do for other women to comment that she was doing anything wrong???  Is it their business, I ask?  I don't think so.  Her blog was not about being a mommy.  It was about helping others learn a new skill.  She never once asked anyone to share their opinion about her yard selling addiction, much less her mothering skills. 

My thought is, if you don't like something someone is doing in a blog...don't read it, they are not writing it for you.   Why bother yourself with something that bothers you??  I don't understand it.  That is what blogging is all about.  Giving us all the opportunity to say what we want to say, and the good Lord knows we all have different opinions. So, if you can't help but leave opinionated comments, maybe you should start your own blog.  Now, listen, if someone asks your opinion, then I say let em have it!!!  But if it is unsolicited, why waste your breath?  Your comment is likely to get deleted anyway.  All you have done in the process is made a great mommy question herself.  And do any of us really need that? 

There are so many posts in this one subject I could go on forever.  To Baby Wise or not to Baby Wise.  To spank or not to spank.  To listen to whining or not to listen.  To vaccinate or not to vaccinate.  To let them cry or not.  To feed them junk food or not.  To let yourself become a short order cook or not.  On and on and on I could go.  But the important thing to remember is:  To tell your friends your opinion on any of these issues and many, many more is just a lost friendship waiting to happen.  I have moderately strong opinions on most of these subjects.  And, because I now have my own blog where my opinion is abundant, I may just divulge those opinions at a later date.  But I learned very early on, that even if a friend asks my opinion on a subject regarding their children, I tread very lightly with the answer.  Usually they don't really want to know what you would do.  Rarely do they actually change what they are doing just because you gave your "expert" advice.  My expert advice to saving friendships?  IF THEY ASK, tell them what you do, then remind them that all families are different and they have to make choices that enable their family to run more efficiently.  Careful ladies!  Just because they are venting to you about how terrible it is to still be sleep deprived after 18 months IS NOT them asking for your guidance.  The actual words, "What did you do," must come out of their mouths for them to care.

Sometimes, even when we would like a change, we know we just can't do it.  Sometimes, we just want to vent and have another mommy tell us we are great and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Listen, kids grow out of just about everything.  Don't loose a friendship or cause another amazing lady to question herself just because you don't know how to hold your tongue.  Reading a blog that you don't agree with? move on.  You have too many to choose from to waste your time.  And for heaven's sake, please stop trying to out mommy each other!!!  We are all amazing and we don't all do it pretty!

1 comment:

  1. I actually am an amazing mom and I can say whatever I want to other mom's. They should all be as good as me, and as beautiful, healthy, slim and sexy too! Now, off to put the tv on Spongebob and make chips and cookies for lunch!